eHarmony - A Look into the E-Dating World
This weekend, I embarked on a new adventure. I tried online dating for the first time!
More specifically, since I was inspired by my mentor's story of how she met her husband on eHarmony, I decided to give it a try. I wasn't fishing around for a husband, but I wanted to at least make new friendships that could potentially turn into relationships.
On a dark, Thursday evening at my air-conditioned home, I impulsively thought, "Hey, I should try eHarmony! I might meet someone!" After I signed up with my name and other personal, non-financial information, eHarmony directed me to a personality test. I don't remember all the details, but from what I did remember, I had to answer a 20-minute survey consisting of a four-choice Likert scale. There were questions about my tendencies, including extroversion, agreeableness, and some other factors. I had to choose between the range of "strongly agree" and "strongly disagree." Then, there were some personality characteristics with checkboxes near them; one could only select a certain amount of them. After this personality test was complete, one could view his or her personality profile. I thought mine was pretty accurate, but I also know that psychology phrases its facts, such that it may apply to anyone at any given time. I took the profile with a grain of salt, indeed.
After I viewed this information, I created my profile, filling in my passions, people's first impressions of me, and other relevant information. Afterwards, I checked off ten "Must-Haves" and "Can't Stands" - these are things you must have in your relationship and things you cannot stand within it.
I set the ethnicity to a wide range and clicked a button. eHarmony started to find matches for me. To my disbelief, the system was matching me up with guys in the age range of 21-29. I checked through a few of the older guy's profiles and they did seem decent, but the age factor, ehhh. I went through the settings a bit and found I could adjust the age down, so I wasn't dating old geezers. Later, I decided to only choose Asian guys, but I couldn't choose the height.
The system matched me up with 24 or so men. I "Started Communication" with all of them...lol. I sent icebreakers to the profiles that sounded most intriguing. Thus, I started to communicate with the guys.
It was a 3-step process with the "Guided Communication" system. First, person A would select 4-5 close-ended questions for person B to answer (four choices for each). One could choose from topics of finances, to romance, to personal life. Then, after person B sent the answers, person B would also ask the same style of close-ended questions to person A. Next, person A would get an allowance of 3 open-ended questions (pre-formed or you could write your own) to ask person B; after person A received responses, person A would answer person B's questions. Then, they could proceed to what is called "Open Communication." They could send anonymous messages through eHarmony without revealing their personal information.
Also, one could 'close' the match at anytime, which would terminate communication between person A and person B. This is a softer way of saying, "You just got rejected, foo." I may have closed 20 matches, while a lot of guys pulled the 'close' card on me, as well. It didn't matter because I didn't know the guys personally and I may not have even started communicating with them, neither.
For me, since my trial was ending soon, after maybe 3-4 open exchanges between me and a match, he would give me his email or other info. One even suggested that we meet up, that is, if I was comfortable with it. I told him I didn't have time.
Throughout this weekend, I went through a grand total of over 50 profiles.
After a period of time, I realized that most of the profiles and answers sounded the same - I was looking for the guys to "meet" my minimum standard. That is to say, if I asked about how much a guy needed his personal space, I would want him to say anything between, "outside of work, I don't really need personal space" and "a day every week" - one unacceptable response I found was a guy who said he'd put 50% into his relationship, and 50% into his own personal time. I discussed this with a friend, who agreed with me that the person sounded selfish with his time.
There were a few people who sounded really awesome from the get-go, but only a couple responded to me.
Oh, and I have to mention this faux pas, if it really did happen. EHarmony kept logging me out for no apparent reason, though I thought they wanted some ad revenue, since less money was coming in that weekend because of the free trial. I was replying to this guy when it logged me out. Good thing I copied the email, I thought to myself. I proceeded to paste the email back into a text box. Later, I realized...I could have put the email into the wrong guy's text box! UGH. That would be pure disaster, since I had been corresponding with two men who had names that began with the same first letter. O noes. Oops?
So, after the first night, I got a few messages. It was almost irrational, but I was feeling really elated and happy. People were interested in me, even though my profile wasn't super-interesting! I tried to rush the "guided" process, so I could get to the communicating-without-restraints.
On day two, I received some close messages and felt a tinge of disappointment, but there are realizations that come to mind - 1) the guy doesn't even know me and 2) it's not me, it's him - we probably weren't a good match anyway, or I wasn't even interested. So, I began to close matches because I felt like I could find better ones elsewhere. I continued to correspond with the few guys that caught my eye. It was so exciting because the guy I felt was interesting wrote me long-ass emails, and I reciprocated. That night, I don't think I slept very well, hahaha. I was excited about the prospect of perhaps potentially finding a mate. Wow, and so early in the game.
On day three, I started to give out my email a little more liberally. I started to correspond with one guy who I thought was offensive at first read, but he seemed genuine after I started to understand him.
I got to the point of "communication" with about 6 or so men, with the average age of 25. Not bad for a weekend's work. Perhaps there's potential for more. And...these guys don't really mind that I'm going abroad - they're actually interested in my experiences, which is cool. I Facebooked one of the guys I met and he seemed cool.
Yesterday was day four and the free trial period has ended. It's been a fun ride, but I've also learned some valuable lessons.
1) As with dating, online dating requires a lot of time (and will require money, once you sign up for a reputable matching service - or, it could also be free). However, even with free trials or services, it will take awhile to communicate to the point where you feel more comfortable with a match's perceived character.
2) I asked a friend to sign up for eHarmony, but she was notified that the company would not be able to match her and let her know that in advance. Even though one company may not be the best fit for an individual, there are several out there, so don't give up your search!
3) After awhile, people's profiles start sounding a bit similar, unless there's a strong personality behind the writing. This is probably a sign that you should take a break from reading and go over it later.
4) It's alright to be picky, since there's millions of people in the world and many thousands who are using the search. Out of those thousands, maybe about a hundred are in your acceptable range of physical and personal attributes. You only need one, so you could be pickier, but know this - if you are a bit picky, you might miss out on someone who is awesome, but not as good a writer, or may not fit every one of your standards.
5) Strange, borderline-stereotypical observations. A majority of the Americanized Asian guys were somewhat short. Most of the white guys I was matched with were really tall and worked in IT or in the airline industry. There were a few Asian guys that were taller, but fobbier. I'm not sure if I'm just stereotyping or if eHarmony matched me up, such that, out of a sample of 50, these were the general trends I observed! However, I did like that a majority of them had interests corresponding to my own.
A fun Labor Day Weekend adventure, but I'm sure I'll come back to this or other e-dating services later when I'm more ready to get serious (or available to just date for fun).
More specifically, since I was inspired by my mentor's story of how she met her husband on eHarmony, I decided to give it a try. I wasn't fishing around for a husband, but I wanted to at least make new friendships that could potentially turn into relationships.
On a dark, Thursday evening at my air-conditioned home, I impulsively thought, "Hey, I should try eHarmony! I might meet someone!" After I signed up with my name and other personal, non-financial information, eHarmony directed me to a personality test. I don't remember all the details, but from what I did remember, I had to answer a 20-minute survey consisting of a four-choice Likert scale. There were questions about my tendencies, including extroversion, agreeableness, and some other factors. I had to choose between the range of "strongly agree" and "strongly disagree." Then, there were some personality characteristics with checkboxes near them; one could only select a certain amount of them. After this personality test was complete, one could view his or her personality profile. I thought mine was pretty accurate, but I also know that psychology phrases its facts, such that it may apply to anyone at any given time. I took the profile with a grain of salt, indeed.
After I viewed this information, I created my profile, filling in my passions, people's first impressions of me, and other relevant information. Afterwards, I checked off ten "Must-Haves" and "Can't Stands" - these are things you must have in your relationship and things you cannot stand within it.
I set the ethnicity to a wide range and clicked a button. eHarmony started to find matches for me. To my disbelief, the system was matching me up with guys in the age range of 21-29. I checked through a few of the older guy's profiles and they did seem decent, but the age factor, ehhh. I went through the settings a bit and found I could adjust the age down, so I wasn't dating old geezers. Later, I decided to only choose Asian guys, but I couldn't choose the height.
The system matched me up with 24 or so men. I "Started Communication" with all of them...lol. I sent icebreakers to the profiles that sounded most intriguing. Thus, I started to communicate with the guys.
It was a 3-step process with the "Guided Communication" system. First, person A would select 4-5 close-ended questions for person B to answer (four choices for each). One could choose from topics of finances, to romance, to personal life. Then, after person B sent the answers, person B would also ask the same style of close-ended questions to person A. Next, person A would get an allowance of 3 open-ended questions (pre-formed or you could write your own) to ask person B; after person A received responses, person A would answer person B's questions. Then, they could proceed to what is called "Open Communication." They could send anonymous messages through eHarmony without revealing their personal information.
Also, one could 'close' the match at anytime, which would terminate communication between person A and person B. This is a softer way of saying, "You just got rejected, foo." I may have closed 20 matches, while a lot of guys pulled the 'close' card on me, as well. It didn't matter because I didn't know the guys personally and I may not have even started communicating with them, neither.
For me, since my trial was ending soon, after maybe 3-4 open exchanges between me and a match, he would give me his email or other info. One even suggested that we meet up, that is, if I was comfortable with it. I told him I didn't have time.
Throughout this weekend, I went through a grand total of over 50 profiles.
After a period of time, I realized that most of the profiles and answers sounded the same - I was looking for the guys to "meet" my minimum standard. That is to say, if I asked about how much a guy needed his personal space, I would want him to say anything between, "outside of work, I don't really need personal space" and "a day every week" - one unacceptable response I found was a guy who said he'd put 50% into his relationship, and 50% into his own personal time. I discussed this with a friend, who agreed with me that the person sounded selfish with his time.
There were a few people who sounded really awesome from the get-go, but only a couple responded to me.
Oh, and I have to mention this faux pas, if it really did happen. EHarmony kept logging me out for no apparent reason, though I thought they wanted some ad revenue, since less money was coming in that weekend because of the free trial. I was replying to this guy when it logged me out. Good thing I copied the email, I thought to myself. I proceeded to paste the email back into a text box. Later, I realized...I could have put the email into the wrong guy's text box! UGH. That would be pure disaster, since I had been corresponding with two men who had names that began with the same first letter. O noes. Oops?
So, after the first night, I got a few messages. It was almost irrational, but I was feeling really elated and happy. People were interested in me, even though my profile wasn't super-interesting! I tried to rush the "guided" process, so I could get to the communicating-without-restraints.
On day two, I received some close messages and felt a tinge of disappointment, but there are realizations that come to mind - 1) the guy doesn't even know me and 2) it's not me, it's him - we probably weren't a good match anyway, or I wasn't even interested. So, I began to close matches because I felt like I could find better ones elsewhere. I continued to correspond with the few guys that caught my eye. It was so exciting because the guy I felt was interesting wrote me long-ass emails, and I reciprocated. That night, I don't think I slept very well, hahaha. I was excited about the prospect of perhaps potentially finding a mate. Wow, and so early in the game.
On day three, I started to give out my email a little more liberally. I started to correspond with one guy who I thought was offensive at first read, but he seemed genuine after I started to understand him.
I got to the point of "communication" with about 6 or so men, with the average age of 25. Not bad for a weekend's work. Perhaps there's potential for more. And...these guys don't really mind that I'm going abroad - they're actually interested in my experiences, which is cool. I Facebooked one of the guys I met and he seemed cool.
Yesterday was day four and the free trial period has ended. It's been a fun ride, but I've also learned some valuable lessons.
1) As with dating, online dating requires a lot of time (and will require money, once you sign up for a reputable matching service - or, it could also be free). However, even with free trials or services, it will take awhile to communicate to the point where you feel more comfortable with a match's perceived character.
2) I asked a friend to sign up for eHarmony, but she was notified that the company would not be able to match her and let her know that in advance. Even though one company may not be the best fit for an individual, there are several out there, so don't give up your search!
3) After awhile, people's profiles start sounding a bit similar, unless there's a strong personality behind the writing. This is probably a sign that you should take a break from reading and go over it later.
4) It's alright to be picky, since there's millions of people in the world and many thousands who are using the search. Out of those thousands, maybe about a hundred are in your acceptable range of physical and personal attributes. You only need one, so you could be pickier, but know this - if you are a bit picky, you might miss out on someone who is awesome, but not as good a writer, or may not fit every one of your standards.
5) Strange, borderline-stereotypical observations. A majority of the Americanized Asian guys were somewhat short. Most of the white guys I was matched with were really tall and worked in IT or in the airline industry. There were a few Asian guys that were taller, but fobbier. I'm not sure if I'm just stereotyping or if eHarmony matched me up, such that, out of a sample of 50, these were the general trends I observed! However, I did like that a majority of them had interests corresponding to my own.
A fun Labor Day Weekend adventure, but I'm sure I'll come back to this or other e-dating services later when I'm more ready to get serious (or available to just date for fun).
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